saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
