for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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