I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
