Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
false alarm, still single
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
