shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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