Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
