I wanna bring you to show and tell
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
