just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
