guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
