what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Let's paint friendship bongs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
