I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
