C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
