sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
