you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
