I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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