Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
