All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
