i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
