My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
