Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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