Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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