so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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