I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i drank out of a bidet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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