No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
