I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
