it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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