my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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