Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
