eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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