It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
