1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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