Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Found the puke drawer
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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