Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
