I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
