Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
