you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
