Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
