I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
