Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
