Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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