The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm jealous of your bromance
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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