Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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