hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That's intense
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need to sanitize my soul.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
