umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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