He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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