just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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