bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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