U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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