he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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