Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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