I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
