I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
