I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
