Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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