talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
